I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
