1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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