I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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