you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
