Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
