I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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