I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
