hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How does one acquire holy water?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
