I am in a vortex of obligation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
