you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
