; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
