I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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