talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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