just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
