This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
