I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A bitchslap is in order.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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