I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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