Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
