I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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