i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
