accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
