It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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