My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
