I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
