Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
