Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
