I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
