I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
