I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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