this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
