census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
