i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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