So drunk its hurt
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
