I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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