Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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