youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
