dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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