I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
