You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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