I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
