How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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