the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
