That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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