He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
