I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
