wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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