dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
