yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
