Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
