Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this boner is exhausting
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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