Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
