A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
